i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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