Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
