the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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