WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
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