The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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