Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
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