Even water is tasting like jack daniels
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
