I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
