Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
