So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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