Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
