Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize