do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
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