my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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