so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
