Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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