thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
