Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
