the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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