Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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