Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Alive.
So much puke
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
