mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
