And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
