Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
