Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
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Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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