my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
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