the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
