Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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