you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
someone owes me an orgasm
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
