the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
