Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Shame - the story of my life.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
