I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
