I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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