exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
