My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
