Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
