awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
