my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Randomize
