I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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