Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
