I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
