I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
