Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I touched a dick in church today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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