I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
i need some magic done to my vagina
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
