I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
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I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
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Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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