It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
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he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
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I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
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