He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
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