well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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