I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
3 2 1 whiskey
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