I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
