yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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