Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
