dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
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I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
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Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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