Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
