Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
