Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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