Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
