if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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