Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Boobs speak an international language.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
